SEXUALITY: The Mindful Masturbation Coach, Bruce P. Grether


Bruce Grether1

I never had a Masturbation coach in my life. Do I need one? A few years ago while I was looking about gay eroticism I meet Bruce Grether, the creator of this wank practice called Mindful Masturbation. And first glance I was curious about and I discovered his very clear and instructive videos. But this year I asked him to teach me and it was a whole new erotic journey provided by my own hands that I ever tried before.

Do you study to be a professional Masturbation coach? Grether, author of The Secret of the Golden Phallus: Male Erotic Alchemy for the 21st Century, is one of the first male pioneers masturbation coaches. Bruce combines Tantra, Taoist Sexual Secrets and Western Sex Magick.

Are you ready to meet him and enhance your own pleasure?

Coming out

“As a small boy or perhaps three or four years, I recall seeing an adult penis, which seemed huge to me swinging about, and that fascinating pubic hair, and I thought this was the most beautiful and fascinating thing in the world! I still think this, though of course, at that time I did not know what it meant, I always knew that it was male bodies that fascinate me. I think my family sensed I was a bit different all along, so it was not a big event for them to realize about my sexuality. My orientation is definitely same-sex, but labels can be limiting. I don’t think human being really fit three categories: gay, bisexual and straight. We’re a lot more complicated than that”.

The beginning of pleasure

“As a small boy, I always loved to put pressure between my legs when I was aroused, often while climbing trees, sliding down banisters, and so on. I did not figure out exactly how to stroke my penis for pleasure until I was ten or eleven, in the shower. At age 16 or 17, lurking in a MENS room I met a handsome, bearded man and he gave me my first blowjob. It was sweet, extremely intense and exciting, but it did not last long, as I had no idea of how to prolong my pleasure, how to allow it to go on and on and keep enjoying it indefinitely. That, I would not learn until many years later. Around the same time, I made the common mistake of comparing myself to others, and became terribly shy about my body, about being seen naked. This fear haunted me for years to come”.

Sexual researcher

“I’m definitely a sexual researcher, though the other two labels do not fit me. I am always learning. I am always studying my own practice, and quite often I masturbate with other men over Skype, discuss such issues with them, and of course I read books and learn online. My own body teaches me some of the most important things I’m learning all the time. Most important is to listen to what my body and my penis tells me”.

The discover

“It was not until sometime in the middle to late 1990s that my friend Joseph Kramer suggested I become a masturbation activist, and I picked that up and ran with it! It felt true, as my Mission in life, and I have never regretted it. More than ever, I feel strongly that this work can help the entire planet. I purchased his video FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN in 1995, watched it and practice erotic massage on myself. I wrote him a fan letter with contact information, and about a week later my phone rang. He became my friend and mentor. Five or six years later, Joseph suggested I should make my own videos, and so I began to do that”.

A Mindful Masturbation practice

“I lacked anyone to practice with, as it was just before I met my partner, so practicing alone with Joseph’s great video inspired me with the fact that to pay full attention and be really present—mindful—in your own body during self-pleasure could take you places that using external erotic stimulation or fantasy might not be able to achieve. For me, this was a great breakthrough: for the first time in my life, I began to experience as much erotic pleasure as I could possibly want. I took 100% responsibility for it and learned that it is actually limitless. This requires dedicated practice, and for most men some actual training really makes all the difference. The basic techniques are simple, but it is not always easy to break away from old habits. This is relaly the work of a lifetime”.

Religion, men and masturbation

“Many men may think that men only want raw physical pleasure and release, but I think it’s sensuality and self-love men actually long for. Raw physical pleasure is great! But unless you take your time and truly love yourself, it may end up seeming a bit hollow. There are some religious taboos about masturbation, but actually before the early 1700s masturbation was not take very seriously. In the early 18th century, first in the streets of London, a pamphlet appeared on the subject “Onania,” which suggested that masturbation was not only sinful, but dangerous to your health and sanity. This triggered the hysterical attitudes ever since, which linger today, despite more enlightened sex education. The famous Biblical story of Onan is not, of course, about masturbation, but about coitus interruptus; Onan decided not to ejaculate inside a woman’s body, but instead to shoot his seed on the ground. The Bible does not actually mention masturbation.

Brotherhood of Men

“Most of the network developed from online friendships, as I began to host various websites, at first on Yahoo and now my own websites. I think such Brotherhood has always existed, at least as a potential and now we’re just making it more real. Brothers are a special kind of friends, not just friends. Sometimes we practice together, sometimes solo. That’s the beauty of Mindful Masturbation—it is versatile. You can do it alone, with friends online, or you can share it in person with another man, or a group of men. This is not exclusively a gay activity, but one men who are open-minded can share no matter how they may publicly identify their sexuality. In such Brotherhood, instead of struggling to understand your biological opposite, you are parallel with another rman and other men. You begin by sharing a lot of understanding already, and the key to make it work is kindness, thinking not only of yourself, but others. Sharing manhood.

Obsession or addiction?

“I don’t like the word “addiction” in this context, as that sounds so negative. Masturbation can be an obsession, but I think that’s natural and healthy for many men, so long as it does not actively interfere with other things you wish to accomplish. If your obsession with masturbation interferes with other things you want to do, you might question if it is too much. That does not mean it’s ever wrong, but it may help to put it into perspective with other aspects of your life. Also, I think some men confuse quantity with quality—to masturbate with great skill quite often, may prove more rewarding than trying to masturbate almost all the time, but never feeling so deeply rewarded. For me, Mindful Masturbation merely enhances a life filled with many interests and activities, and I consider it a healthy part of my creative energy”.

The practice

“I feel that masturbation is a form of self-love, and when you actually realize that it is not just pleasure, but love, how could anything be more spiritual? There’s a mystery involved, but I don’t believe in the duality between matter and spirit, or spirit and anything non-spiritual. I strongly feel that matter and spirit, like matter and energy, are really the same thing seen from slightly different perspectives. Masturbation taken to high enough levels helps you to feel at least momentarily, and sometimes for long periods, One with All Things. It’s mysterious. It’s love. I really appreciate that recently many men are starting to identify themselves primarily, or exclusively as “solosexual,” meaning they prefer masturbation to other forms of sexual activity. This is an attitude I deeply respect and honor, because you can take yourself places with masturbation that you cannot achieve when you require another person to participate or cooperate. However, there are no rules, formulas, or dogmas in this realm. Most men masturbate sometimes, whether they are partnered, married, or not, and many enjoy a variety of forms of pleasure. Isn’t that wonderful?”.

Ejaculate or not to ejaculate?

“This is every man’s choice. I feel that a man misses opportunities to explore really high states of bliss if he ejaculates every time he masturbates. But every man is an individual, and exactly the same things do not work for all men all of the time. The ancient Chinese Taoist teachings, and East Indian Tantra now so popular, both encourage men to cultivate erotic energy either ejaculating less often, or not at all. With a bit of training, this is not only possible, but can increase both your energy levels, and your mental clarity and emotional serenity. It’s simple, but not always easy, as most men are so conditioned as boys and teenagers to seek regular ejaculation. Remember, ejaculation is not to goal of pleasure for a man, it is the end of it. At least temporarily”.

Everytime an orgasm?

“Of course not! Not necessarily. See the above answer, please. The belief that frequent or regular orgasms will prevent prostate issues is not well proven. To “edge” for long periods of days or weeks is no problem so long as you learn to keep your pelvis relaxed during arousal and massage your balls quite often. It is tensing up the pelvis and scrotum, and oxygen deprivation from shallow breathing that make what men call “blue balls” a problem. When you masturbate a lot, with great skill, your balls may feel quite sensitive, but they should not be painful”.


“I don’t look at porn very often. I find most of it lifeless and mechanical. I feel differently about what I consider erotica, certain very beautiful, relaxed images with emotional content, not just bodies in action. This is rare. For me, if there are faces and personalities, minds and souls attached, it’s far more arousing than just sex organs by themselves. Of course, every man has certain “erotic triggers,” kinds of bodies or specific activities that turn us on, which I understand, but this can also be somewhat limiting. Plus, it’s well known now that excessive porn on the Internet may actually de-sensitize the pleasure centers in your brain, and seems to cause erectile dysfunction sometimes in young men”.

New videos, other brothers

“That man, NightSun is a beautiful friend who, like me, is gifted with a rather intense sexual nature. He loves to masturbate and was willing to talk about it as well as be recorded, so I felt it would be a wonderful addition to the Erotic Engineering site. The Mindful Masturbation series of videos I was privileged to film with a group of beautiful, skillful men who are great masturbators in various ways”.

New books

“THE SECRET OF THE GOLDEN PHALLUS: MALE EROTIC ALCHEMY FOR THE 21ST CENTURY is my manifesto on this subject. As I state in the beginning, it’s really about just one thing: your relationship with your penis. It includes how-to instructions for taking the practice to the highest levels I know, and also mythic background about phallic gods and phallic creation stories, but it’s all about you, and your penis. THE MOONTUSK CHRONICLES are a series of unusual novels which are high fantasy, detailed world building with strong plot and characters, but also a lot of explicit, straight-forward male masturbation and male sex. There are four: RENNDEZVOUS IN A RUINED CITY, ORCHOD OF AWAKENING, THE RETURN OF OTHIS, and IVORY AND GOLD. I’ve recently regained control of my copyrights, so please look up my books on Amazon. They are exciting action adventures, and alsogay erotica, very explicit and straight-forward”.


“We met through a gay penpal club in 1995. I know it may sound a bit “woo-woo” but I think I was not ready for such a relationship until after I first spent six weeks in high erotic states daily without a single ejaculation. It was the beginning of Mindful Masturbation. That changed me, not into a god or ascended master, of course, but I became a more secure, happy man. Many of my old insecurities simply fell away, due to neglect. I no longer felt so shy about my body. We have to keep a focus on our suffering to remain unhappy, you know? My domestic relationship feels like it’s “meant to be,” but I can claim I have love figured out. It’s mysterious, but it’s also the most important thing in live. Not romance, but LOVE”.

New projects

“I plan to continue to promote Erotic Engineering, and Mindful Masturbation, perhaps create more videos. I hope to make the site more self-sustaining, as it survives on donations. I’m working on a new book called THE WAY OF THE LIVING PHALLUS, to empower men further in this area we’re talking about. I continue to publish more and more other books, with my Heart Bird Books imprint—not all are gay oriented. Most of my novels have at least a few gay characters, but they are not all erotica, not all 100% gay—no more than the world is. Gay men are evidently a minority, and that only makes us more special and wonderful, of course! We now understand that gay people are necessary for the health of cultures, for gay people serve specific important purposes as wise ones, creative, inspiration for others, care-takers. Even in Nature, we now understand that same-sex and masturbatory behavior is necessary for the health of eco-systems”.

I am sure Bruce could train a full of Latinos Masturbation coaches? Don’t you think so? It’s a shame he doesn’t know Español. Do somebody to offer?


Sadly I don’t know that much about your country. The amazing ancient Incan civilization was based there, right? The altitudes vary tremendously. There is a wide range of latitude, north and south. There is a west coast along the South Pacific. It’s a beautiful country with high mountains, and now some big modern cities. You live in Peru. It’s the home of the adorable and wise Antonio Capurro, right?

“I bet yes!”

To have sex Bruce always recommend you “dedication, devotion and tenderness”.

Any further questions, please come to where there is a Contact button to connect with me on the “About” page.


3 Comments Add yours

  1. Allen worthy says:

    Great!!!I’ve been sexually active since kindergarten !!! I need this reminder after bad accident.thanks.Allen


  2. Rand Voss says:

    Some things make sense. Many years ago I decided to learn to masturbate and enjoy it. Now I have extended times of pure euphoria that can best be described as 20 hours of suspended orgasm where every touch is as thrilling as the last stroke before cum erupts. it is mindfulness at the prostate and the more I do it the more I must do it. a reward the body gives itself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your comment!!


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